


You Scarred and Left Me

by liampaynestan



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Memories, Past Relationship(s), Sad Ending, You Have Been Warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-31
Updated: 2016-08-31
Packaged: 2018-08-12 06:59:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7925017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liampaynestan/pseuds/liampaynestan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry doesn't know how to stay and Louis is stuck in the past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Scarred and Left Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nutommo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nutommo/gifts).



> This is actually my first time writing a Larry fic/one shot, so please go easy on me. Dedicated to nutommo! This is revenge, bitch. Title from Sunburn by Ed Sheeran. All mistakes are my own.

Louis curled up on the beaten-down couch, trying to make himself as small as possible. Although the yelling had stopped about half an hour ago, ending with a slammed door and a tiny whimper, Louis couldn’t stop himself from replaying the stinging words that were spoken minutes before inside his head, like a broken record.

 

 

“ _What do you expect from me, Louis?_ ” _Harry yelled angrily, tugging at the curls on top of his head fervently. Usually, that’s something Louis would do, but. This isn’t a lighthearted argument about what they are going to eat later that night. This runs much, much deeper than that._

“ _I expect you to **stay**! Not run away! I expect you to fight for me!_ ” _Louis yelled back, trying to glare at the boy across from him. The effect was ruined by the tears streaming down the shorter boy’s face._

_Harry shook his head in disbelief, looking at Louis as if he had lost his mind. Not fondly, like he did when Louis yelled out in the middle of street. No, this time it was different. This time, Harry looked at Louis as if he belonged in the asylum, alongside the insane sociopaths with homicidal tendencies._

“ _I told you not to expect too much from me,_ ” _he said with gritted teeth and pointed fingers,_ “ _and I told you that I would break your heart. I told you I don’t know how to handle affection. I told you this day would come. You knew this would happen!_ ”

_Louis couldn’t help but recoil as the words hit him full on, like bricks crashing into a glass window. Yes, it was true, Harry had told him these things, but…_

“ _But I thought you loved me…_ ”

_The sentence was meant to be loud and angry, but instead, it came out softly and hurt. Oh, so hurt. A part of Louis reprimanded him for being so weak, but the other part of Louis, much bigger and louder, screamed at him to kneel. To beg. To scream. To do anything to get him to stay._

_Harry’s eyes misted over, and Louis knew that his angry front was crumbling down._

“ _I di- I do. I just don’t- I don’t know how to-_ “

_Harry stumbled over his words, cutting himself off. He seemed upset yet desperate to get his point across. To make Louis understand that it wasn’t his fault. That he was just too fucked up to know how to stay. All his life, Harry had been taught to run away when things got too personal, too intimate. He had watched his father do it. Then his mother. Then his sister. It was only logical for him to keep the tradition only. So he did what he had to._

_He did what he had to, even though it would beak his own heart._

“ _I don’t know how to love someone like you. Someone so innocent, so pure, so- so naïve. You terrify me. You are untainted, and I’m dirty. I am scared to dirty you more than I already have. I don’t want you to be covered in the ashes of the person I used to be. Oh God, Louis. I love you so much. But I don’t love you enough to stay. I don’t love you enough to let you stay. I don’t love you enough to be that selfish. Or maybe I love you too much to let my selfish actions drag you down. If I let you stay, you will be dragged to an early grave. So I’m sorry. I’m sorry I loved you too much to be selfish and keep your heart but not enough to stay. I’m sorry. I know we promised each other forever, but our forever was cut short. I’m sorry._ ”

_And with that, Harry walked out of the apartment scattered with little mementos of time spent together. Time spent laughing, smiling, and moaning. He didn’t look back._

_Louis could do nothing but stay and watch as the taller man walked away. He tried to convince himself that there wasn’t actually a gaping hole in his chest, but he swore he could see the blood seeping out of him._

_Memories attacked the smaller boy’s mind. Memories of ice cream dripping down sticky fingers and loud laughs. Memories of slow love-making and giggling. Memories of hushed conversations in the middle of the night and comforting kisses. Memories of a love that burned brightly, yet came to an abrupt end in the same place it begun. All good things must come to an end, indeed._

_He’s still gorgeous, Louis thought to himself._

_How can someone be that gorgeous, yet have such bloody hands?_

_How can someone smile so brightly, yet tear everything in his path to pieces?_

_How can someone love you too much, yet not enough?_

 

Louis curled up on the beaten-down couch, trying to make himself as small as possible. Although the yelling had stopped 3 years ago, he could still hear the sound of his heart breaking as he watched a man with a heart like stone walk away without looking back. He gets it now, he thinks. He gets what Harry meant when he said he loved him too much but not enough at the same time. Louis had loved him too much to let go, but not enough to chase after him. So now all he was left with was ghosts. Ghosts of days gone by. He didn’t mind them too much anymore. He had gotten used to the constant presence of memories of a time long gone. It didn’t hurt that much anymore. At least, that’s what he told himself.

 

 

“ _Do you think we’ll be together for a long time?_ ” _Louis whispered one night when he couldn’t fall asleep._

_They were under the covers, legs intertwined in a way that it was hard to tell where each of them ended and the other begun. The only sound in the room had been the constant thump of Harry’s heartbeat against Louis’ ear. The room was basked in a warmth that could only be found on nights like these._

_Harry shuffled a bit closer, rubbing Louis’ small back with his quite large hand. He seemed to think about it for a moment before breaking out into a huge grin._

“ _Of course, Lou. We love each other. You are mine and I am yours. I love everything about you. Even your stinky feet._ ” _Harry said seriously, managing to keep his giggling to a minimum as he made another rather rude remark about Louis’ feet._

_Louis rolled his eyes fondly, and lightly punched Harry’s side._

“ _Kiss me, you fool._ ”

 

Louis curled up on the beaten-down couch, trying to make himself as small as possible. Memories were slow killers, he had learned. They would remind you of your past failures. He had learned to embrace them. They were all he had left of the man with striking green eyes, after all.  

**Author's Note:**

> TBH, I don't know if I'm completely happy with this. It was a bit of a mess. Oh well. I'll keep writing and improving. Thank you for reading! Adios.


End file.
